Re-Discovering a Sense of Rosy

What does it mean to embody your name? This is a question I sometimes pose to myself in the midst of deep self-reflection. Maybe some can relate, maybe others not so much, but for me, the answer often seems elusive and transient — which makes sense as we are ourselves always changing and growing by the millisecond, even if we can’t seem to tell.

Growing up, I went by “Rosy — with a ‘y’” instead of my formal name, Rosalie. It felt too old-school for me back then, but now I think I’ve grown into it. In talking with my dad about it recently, he commented that “Rosy” instead of “Rosie” holds a whole different meaning, somehow conveying an auspicious sense of positivity and promise, optimism and hope.

I often feel that I’ve already experienced so many different “lives” or “identities” in my lifetime so far — from the homeschooled precocious bookworm to the pre-professional ballerina and flutist, to the soccer-playing, swim-team-competing, tree-climbing athletic tomboy at times, to the “goodie-two-shoes” quiet and studious teenager, to the French-speaking world traveler, to the fashion-minded jewelry maker, to the professional communication strategist .. and much more in between.

Somehow I hold all these identities within me, but over time (especially while I was heads-down trying to “make it” in the working world as a young professional) they got muffled and muddled and maybe even lost at certain moments.

The loss of personal character I felt in the past year — or rather the feeling that I was disconnected to these core, true identities that make me really me — in part led me to experience a sort of mental health breakdown and identity crisis. I suffered crippling depression and anxiety while trying to figure out what was happening & why, and what to do about it.

I decided that I needed to make a change (or several) in order to protect and preserve my mental and physical health and sanity .. so in the span of a few weeks back in June 2023, I resigned from my corporate job that I felt was misaligned with my true nature, packed up my apartment in New York City and moved my belongings into storage, and took a flight to Europe. My strong sense of wanderlust and adventure was beckoning, and I had to heed the call !

It was certainly an impulsive, spontaneous decision to uproot my life and sense of all stability, especially when I was still feeling somewhat unstable myself, but it felt like what I needed to do in order to rediscover who I really am — to be able to stand up tall and proud with integrity and a sense of purpose and direction in following my own inner compass.

I recently came across some old photos of myself as a child and was struck at my own sense of identity and character that came through even at the tender young age of ~6-7. I could tell that I felt most “Rosy” — most like my true self — when in nature, when connecting with animals and loved ones, when creating, when exploring.

In the past year, I’ve had to re-learn that lesson and re-prioritize those moments and situations so that I could recover my sense of Rosy-ness.

I guess I’ve always known who I really am all along — sometimes we just need a little reminder and tap on the shoulder to turn around and retrace our steps to find and reconnect with our own inner child — the version of us who truly knows us best.

I’m grateful I’ve found her again.

xoxo Rosy / Rosa / Rosalie